Dreaming

Sir Frederic Leighton, "Flaming June" {Art Credit}
This morning, over a steaming cup of PG Tips, last night's dreams began to swirl into my mind like milk in black tea. One dream in particular became quite clear. I dreamt that I was in the Latin language portable at my high school working on a math exam, but I was not the high school version of myself, I was the current version of myself. The test paper in front of me made no sense, was nonsense. The subject matter seemed somewhat familiar, like something I had learned once, but had forgotten. I stared blankly at my test paper, petrified in body, but not in mind. My mind raced. Internally, I laughed at myself for being a scientist who couldn't complete a high school math exam. I screamed that I'd already graduated from high school and didn't need to take this test. Eventually, my mind grew silent and all I could do was stare.

My teacher (who looked like my sophomore-year World History teacher—-a fresh-faced, small but handsome man) must have picked up on the panic I was radiating and came to my side to calm me down. I decided to tell him the truth. I know you probably won't believe me, but I am not 'me' I said. I am a 'me' from the future. I've already graduated high school. I've already gone to college. I don't exactly remember my teacher's response, but I do remember whatever he said was meant to be calming and reassuring. I think he said something about nerves and graduation being right around the corner. As he walked away I looked back at my exam and worked through the problems as logically as I could, still completely unsure of my answers.

Then my mind began to wander. I get to experience college again, I thought. I already know what's going to happen and I am so excited to have it happen again. Friendships, explorations, intellectual dialogues, books, essays, dorms, dinning commons, drinking games, love, and the quiet snowy days during January Term were all waiting for me on a college campus tucked away in the woods of Western Massachusetts. And with this realization my appetite for happiness was fully satiated. I was an overstocked shelf. I was a pub over capacity. I was a brimming cup.

And then I woke up.