Dreaming

Sir Frederic Leighton, "Flaming June" {Art Credit}
This morning, over a steaming cup of PG Tips, last night's dreams began to swirl into my mind like milk in black tea. One dream in particular became quite clear. I dreamt that I was in the Latin language portable at my high school working on a math exam, but I was not the high school version of myself, I was the current version of myself. The test paper in front of me made no sense, was nonsense. The subject matter seemed somewhat familiar, like something I had learned once, but had forgotten. I stared blankly at my test paper, petrified in body, but not in mind. My mind raced. Internally, I laughed at myself for being a scientist who couldn't complete a high school math exam. I screamed that I'd already graduated from high school and didn't need to take this test. Eventually, my mind grew silent and all I could do was stare.

My teacher (who looked like my sophomore-year World History teacher—-a fresh-faced, small but handsome man) must have picked up on the panic I was radiating and came to my side to calm me down. I decided to tell him the truth. I know you probably won't believe me, but I am not 'me' I said. I am a 'me' from the future. I've already graduated high school. I've already gone to college. I don't exactly remember my teacher's response, but I do remember whatever he said was meant to be calming and reassuring. I think he said something about nerves and graduation being right around the corner. As he walked away I looked back at my exam and worked through the problems as logically as I could, still completely unsure of my answers.

Then my mind began to wander. I get to experience college again, I thought. I already know what's going to happen and I am so excited to have it happen again. Friendships, explorations, intellectual dialogues, books, essays, dorms, dinning commons, drinking games, love, and the quiet snowy days during January Term were all waiting for me on a college campus tucked away in the woods of Western Massachusetts. And with this realization my appetite for happiness was fully satiated. I was an overstocked shelf. I was a pub over capacity. I was a brimming cup.

And then I woke up.

My special craving

A steaming mug of PG Tips tea and crunchy, buttery toast. It has been ages since I have had a breakfast like this. Makes me nostalgic for the semester I spent in Edinbrugh...

Scene(s) from 2012

{press play}

January 1st 2012, P. and I wake up very early in L.B’s bed. We sneak out of the sleeping household and are surprisingly awake for going to sleep at 4 o’clock in the morning. We drive to Hyde Park to have breakfast at Quack’s. We wear our clothes from the night before. My sweater is especially sparkly in the sunlight. We drink lattes and talk about our hopes for 2012. It’s going to be the best year ever.

Back to Boston. Back to the frigid cold. Back to the tough and thankless job. But, one day, while trapped downstairs in the animal facility I get to know N.M.

E.G. and I go to the Pompeii exhibit at the Museum of Science. Eerie.


In February, I feel good about life in Boston. I brew beer with M.S. I have a surreal three day weekend with L. Indian food and beer. Tea and toast. Farmer’s market and cupcakes. I also have a February 29th celebration (it only happens once every 4 years, after all!) with A.W. and M.S. complete with fondue, a late night walk downtown, and drinks at the top of the Prudential building.

I venture to Western Mass for a S.A.’s wedding. The weather is beautiful (an oddity in March!). Now she’s S.L-M.

E.G. and I walk around beautiful Beacon Hill and have the chance to attend an open house at one of the historic red brick rowhouses. It is five stories tall with a cozy apartment on the top floor. It is also, at least, 1 million dollars. One of the bathrooms has promenading bears on the wall.

April is the curellest month… I feel less optimistic about life in Boston. I start to really consider quitting my job. I apply to jobs at UC Berkeley on my bus ride to Western Mass for Easter Keg Hunt. My alma mater really knows how to celebrate Easter.


The weather finally starts to get nice, and I have visitors a-plenty: L.M., my brother, my parents. My parents leave Boston sooner then expected though because I’m expected to be spending all my time in the lab.

I am brave and ask a boy out on a date. The date was lovely: drinks, a movie, hand-holding, a sneaky kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately, things don't work out.

Cirque de Solei with I.Y.

I go to the Adirondacks with M.S., T. and J. We take early morning swims. Watch a thunderstorm roll in. Make huge feasts with fresh vegetables from T’s farm. Play games. Eat soft serve. Make s’mores late at night. Have breakfast at the General Store. I feel refreshed and revitalized for the coming work week.


H. moves to Boston. Best decision of her life.

Quitting my job becomes necessary. I put in a weeks notice. I have a final meeting with the head of the lab and am hyper aware of the bitter taste in my mouth. I act diplomatic and leave feeling empowered and happier then I had in months.

I turn 24.

I experience my first earthquake... in the Northeast.

I go to a pig roast at T's farm. I decide to forgo my vegetarianism for one night and try some of the pig, but I don't think I will be forgoing vegetarianism again any time soon. There was a beer truck with beer made with local ingredients (including barely from T's farm), T's homemade ginger beer made with ginger from the farm, 200 cupcakes, so many pot luck goodies, two campfires, a stone oven for pizza cooking, drunken hay rides, music, a brilliant night sky, and I saw a shooting star. I camped out on the farm, snuggled in a tent with J. and M.C.

Some exciting job prospects arise, but I decide to move to California.

I say goodbye to Western Mass, to the valley that has always been full of love and support. To my alma mater, to my friends, to the place I really grew and flourished.


Then I saw goodbye to Boston, to the special places I loved and which offered me comfort during hard times (3 Little Figs, Five Horses Tavern), and to some wonderful people I was lucky to meet.


And so I end the year at home with my family.


Oh, also, I make a lot of homemade pasta.


Photo Credits: 1.Spy Girl; 2.William Starling; 3. My Brother; 4. ARP; 5. ARP; 6. Boston Univeristy; 7. ARP; 8. R.R.

imagination and reality

Spent a dreamy weekend with E. and then drove back with her to Western Mass for a visit. On Monday we went to our alma mater and while E. finished up some things for work I wandered around campus. Although the campus is mostly comprised of 'quirky' 1970s architecture there is something so charming about it all. As I walked around my heart ached for the past. I got to see some wonderful people including the ladies of Central Records (work study job #1) a past roommate, D., and my awesome bosses from Media Services (work study job #2). Unfortunately, it was Monday so all the science professors were in a meeting.



It was so nice to be back on campus.